Juice sucking vacuum

Do I put myself in a creative juice sucking vacuum? I believe
I am a bit backwards, skewed, or whatever you wanna
call it.
My life consists of a computer and a desk for half the day,
eating boring food (for the most part) and then going out
to try to escape the insane and overpowering nothingness of home
or
staying at the afore mentioned home bored witless, so then I sleep.
And sleep some more.

Why do I not create? Why is every waking moment spent in duldrums
when it could be used to paint, sculpt, love, explore, move, and believe.
Maybe that part of me is dying...yet I feel its fierce teeth sinking in
to my heart. I yearn to have a place I can go to
where it is a complete mess and beauty abounds
amidst the crap.

I want a studio or place to throw all of my stuff in plain sight so
that I will remember that I can use it.
What are crayons, paints, paper, yarn, pens, wire, cloth, and so on
good for if I never use them?
It's a great way to clutter a room, but that's not what I paid
good money for. I want art.
Plain and simple.

Art
is not just
something that I
want to do.
It's something that
I want to consume me.

Wouldn't that be beautiful?