Juice sucking vacuum

Do I put myself in a creative juice sucking vacuum? I believe
I am a bit backwards, skewed, or whatever you wanna
call it.
My life consists of a computer and a desk for half the day,
eating boring food (for the most part) and then going out
to try to escape the insane and overpowering nothingness of home
or
staying at the afore mentioned home bored witless, so then I sleep.
And sleep some more.

Why do I not create? Why is every waking moment spent in duldrums
when it could be used to paint, sculpt, love, explore, move, and believe.
Maybe that part of me is dying...yet I feel its fierce teeth sinking in
to my heart. I yearn to have a place I can go to
where it is a complete mess and beauty abounds
amidst the crap.

I want a studio or place to throw all of my stuff in plain sight so
that I will remember that I can use it.
What are crayons, paints, paper, yarn, pens, wire, cloth, and so on
good for if I never use them?
It's a great way to clutter a room, but that's not what I paid
good money for. I want art.
Plain and simple.

Art
is not just
something that I
want to do.
It's something that
I want to consume me.

Wouldn't that be beautiful?

nomanisanisland

Wouldn't it be interesting if we were though? no societal pressures to be someone you're not. no disappointment in anyone but yourself....although looking at it that way, i have more that enough disappointment for just me, not to mention the world.

how does an island feel?
Does it even feel lonely? Has it ever felt the warmth of touching other land?
Does it long for the embrace of it's long lost continent?

Or is it blissfully unaware of the struggles far away?
does it go about it's days happy to just be itself?

sometimes i would like to be an island.

God loves sinners.

Think about it. God lets each and every one of us be birthed into a world that we start off marred and full of sin. Loves us from the beginning. All of our lives, His love for us never grows or ebbs. Always full, no matter what we do. So, when God decided to kill entire people groups of old...did He kill out of love? He is love, so all He does must be love. Turning a woman into a pillar of salt is love. Wiping out a dictator: love. Flooding the earth: love.

How can we understand this love? Is this how we are supposed to be like God? Can we ever fully know what it is that we need to be?

Why does He work like this?