I HATE sunSHINE! i hate it i hate it i HATE sunshine!


laughs insanely, cackles, coughs, .....moving on...
i need to go out and get this movie. i bought the dead poets' society the other day. i'm quite excited to watch it as soon as i get my apartment settled. yes to all, i have an apartment! i moved in last night. i even went out and got toilet paper and cleaning supplies to celebrate. life is good in the crib. my complex even has a pool! woohoo! it has high ceilings and a FIREPLACE! who ever knew i would have a fireplace? i'm excited to take pictures and send them to my mom. i want to have an "apartment warming" party, but i'm close to poor. maybe i'll do more like potluck. what fun! i'm acting like an A-dult. it's so nice to have a place to go home to that isn't someone else owned. i can do what i want or don't want. it makes me want to be that much more responsible. i can't wait to get my car running. i'll be able to get to and from work without anyone else! i think i might cry at the concept of being somewhat stable. i want to be out of this country in less than two years, though, so the stability will be short-lived, but that's ok. if even for a brief respite from the insanity of instability. talking to Liz the other night made me realize that i have craved stability all of my life, yet at the same time i am terrified of the prospect. i long to be different, special, needed, and the only way i've ever felt that way is when i've completely destroyed my own life to give others what they wanted. SACRIFICE. it fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes. winners. martyrs. who can stop them........ they walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension. liz is my new neatest friend. i hope we stay friends for some time. she's from maryland...Bwaston. psych major. really nice and funny and doesn't expect anything from me. ahhh the land of friendship...what a great place to be...loved for who you are...not who you want to be.