Sisyphus

sometimes, my brain feels like this. a million different images crying out for attention from a viewer who can only make so much out of so much. lots of different me's running around with many different thoughts on how the world should be, could be, or can be. i frolick, i'm clumsy, there's the femenine me who loves being girly.(believe it or not) the me that wants to be strong above all else. there's the me that loves shiny, twirling things. multitasking me, the me that wishes to just fly away. speed racer and break dancer. country me and city me. how in the world does God expect me to keep all of the me's straight and know who i am, much less who He is? i can't hardly get a grip on what i want to do when i grow up, yet i'm supposed to understand the workings of the mind and heart of the creator of all things. He made the universe and detailed the craftsmanship of the finest grain of sand, yet i'm supposed to know Him? calls every star by name and knows not just every hair on my head, i'm sure, but every spot freckle and mole on my body. parts a sea as if it were a puddle, stop the sun in midair. keeps the tide constant every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every month of every year for ever. i'm supposed to hold His hand? i'm supposed to call on His name? what is His name? who are You? what do You want? how can i help you? is there anything that i could possibly do to help you out? seems pretty hopeless. but there's a part of me that knows there's more. it knows that eventually in this world, not everything sucks. why is life so hard? i feel like Sisyphus from Greek mythology who was sentenced to a life of trying to roll a boulder to the top of a mountain, and just when he was about there, the boulder got away from him and rolled thundering back down the mountain. when will my boulder stay? are we all sentenced in this life to roll our confounded boulders up our lonely mountains, only to have the dumb rock roll back down? maybe. i know that there is one who's rock is firmly planted...i intend to be on His team when the time comes for me to show my progress. i feel like a middle school loser. i wanna be on HIS team! ......but i do.

ugly llama face...

you know you wake up looking like this some mornings. i know i do. freak.

if only life were easy. i wonder how we would cope. would we be less stressed, or would the lack of stress cause more anxiety for those of us used to so much stuff going on? we would have no great battles to fight, or causes to rally behind. what would we put our minds to. i'm almost completely certain that world peace would destroy the human race as we know it. everyone would die of boredom. think about it...no more news or newscasters, who would want to know that there's nothing going on? there would be no need for anything. all would cease to matter. the only thing left to talk about would be the weather. now there's a shift for you. instead of the newscasters being the big shots, they get left in the gloating dust of the infamous weather man or woman. IRONY! i love it. so there you have it. every weather man and woman out there should be gunning for world peace....oh, that sentence holds so many punny things it's just not right. ha! see this llama here. next leader of the free world.

i've been having many conversations lately about reality tv shows. my personal pick would have to be the amazing race. any game that takes you all around the world is a winner to me. even if i only made it half way through, my life would be so interesting. the only problem...finding someone to do it with that would NEVER quit. ever. i hate it when people quit. hate it. especially in games. ooooh. bad. it would be interesting.

Anyway...other matters. wouldn't it be funny if God decided to interupt our speech with random phrases? i would love talk and have movie quotes interspersed throughout. we would all learn to be better decipherers. yes...decipherers. my new word. i want to be creative. creativity is something that teases me like hanging a steak in front of a dog tied up to his little house. i can smell it, see it, yet tasting it is so elusive. i know what i would love to do, yet my mind will not let me be free to create it. woe is me. woe.

Art is long, and time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still like muffled drums are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.
Author: Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

i want to watch the dead poets society. must buy that movie. hark...what is this sound that rises from the ground? oh, 'tis only a mouse running about his mousey world, oblivious to the giant genious spanning the sky above. are we more like mice or men?

you decide.

flutters go bye

This has recently become one of my more favorite comics. I found the Over the Hedge cartoon before the film ever came out. Makes me a REAL fan.

It's so funny. I've got this blog. Only one I can get on from work. Will I tell anyone it's here? I don't know. It might be fun to have an anonymous blog. No one will know me. I am invisible here in my blogger lair. Nameless, faceless, raceless. Those are the perks of the internet. You don't know me. I could be anyone. Your brother, a neighbor, a spy. You will never know, because you can't trust the internet. It is impersonal. Only numbers compiled to show images on a screen. Ingenious. I am mandinkiwarrior. Comforting.

why do i bother capitalizing things? stupid. i won't. i fight...no...rage against the machine. i watched benny and joon the other night. fell in love with it. sometimes i wish that i could become mentally unstable. life is so free. no one expects anything and you have free range to do as you will, as long as you aren't violent...which i wouldn't be. of course.

i can impersonate leonardo dicaprio on what's eating gilbert grape really well. maybe i have promise in the world of the mentally unstable. there's hope for me yet!!!

a poem

when life comes to step on your toes,
what you gonna do?
do you believe in love at first sight?
it might be your lucky day.
cover your feet,
don't let life steal your joy.
you aren't alone you know
i'm right here by your side.
come take me away where the flutters go bye
and i'll sing for you a song.
i will sing for you all night long
as long as you carry me far from here.
if you take my hand i will follow your shadow
you lead me into the light.
if you take me away from the deep dark meadow
i will sing for you day and night.
sing for you day and night.

that sounds like a song in my head.